We prefer to stay on the positive side of things and highlight the best and brightest of Scottsdale, but every once in a while the exact opposite of that is compelling enough to turn our heads and get us tapping away on our keyboard in equal parts disgust and awe.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Jensen Borkowski, a 28-year-old who just earned herself a nomination for the Darwin Awards’ “Spectacular Decision-Making” category. This intellectual giant managed to slam her white Volkswagen Tiguan into not one, but two Scottsdale police SUVs during a traffic stop Saturday night, sporting a blood alcohol level of at least .15%, nearly double the legal limit.
Let’s pause to appreciate the sheer physics-defying stupidity required to accomplish this feat. The police SUV she hit was unoccupied, marked, had its lights flashing, and was positioned at a traffic stop. That’s essentially the vehicular equivalent of missing the broad side of a barn that’s covered in neon signs and has a brass band playing in front of it.
Unfortunately, Borkowski’s automotive artistry is just another Tuesday in Scottsdale, where DUI incidents have become as predictable as overpriced mimosas at brunch. Arizona consistently ranks among the nation’s worst states for drunk driving fatalities, and Scottsdale’s affluent party scene contributes generously to those grim statistics. The city’s entertainment districts practically mint DUI arrests like a particularly dysfunctional assembly line.
The crash injured an officer who was hospitalized, because apparently Borkowski’s poor life choices needed to involve an innocent victim. Nothing quite says “I make outstanding decisions” like turning a routine traffic stop into a demolition derby while legally intoxicated enough to register as a small distillery.
Here’s the truly mind-bending part: in an era of rideshares, taxis, and designated drivers, Borkowski chose to pilot a two-ton missile into clearly visible emergency vehicles. It’s almost impressive how spectacularly wrong one person can be about literally everything in a single moment.
Darwin would be proud; natural selection in action, Scottsdale style.